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I opened my eyes to my reflection and spoke the words in a whisper to myself, “I want you to fuck me.” Eyes closed, another finger slowly in, then out. Eyes open, seeing myself say the words a little louder, “I want you to fuck me.” Eyes closed as my fingers increased the tempo, “I want you to fuck me.” There was a mechanical whirring and click. Panicked, I quickly turned my head 90 degrees to the right. “This piece of shit only records 120 seconds per video file, but that was a HOT 120 seconds!” Smitty chuckled. I had no idea this was an adjoining bathroom with the next bedroom. I barely had time to get my leg down from the counter as he rushed toward me, tossing the cell phone on the vanity counter, then grabbing both of my upper arms pinning me against the locked bathroom door. “You want me to fuck you. I’ll fuck you.” He reached down between my legs and felt my wetness, “Look at you! You already creamed down your leg.”The thud my body made on the door must have been. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ... and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods.IRISH HOOKERAn Irish couple are having hard financial times, so they decide that she'll try being a hooker.She's not quite sure what to do, so the husband says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him you charge a hundred dollars. Any questions and I'll be parked around the corner."She stands outside the bar for about five minutes.
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